It was 2am. I don’t know if it was the wine that I had during dinner or the after dinner tea that kept me awake. I was in a very happy mood and while I so desperately wanted to sleep, my mind kept replaying fragments of my life. And let’s be honest, we all have been there.
Usually on weekends I like to do an active rest day workout. A workout where I’m not pushing myself to the limit but, rather moving my body for the sheer joy of it. On that day I decided to try something new and learn how to do a headstand. Previously, I attempted this but nothing much came out of it. I wasn’t able to lift my feet off the floor and my arms carried much of my weight. In that particular session however, I surprised myself and came into a semi-headstand (tuck) easily. If I had to list all of the factors that got me to that point it would be A) I learned from a new instructor and B) I was in an extremely happy and energized mood. Though this doesn’t quite add up…I believe one of the most crucial factors that I have often overlooked is getting over my fears. I had a successful outcome because I got over my fear of falling.
Fear. It’s something so powerful we often fear Fear itself. I couldn’t do a headstand the first time I learned it because of my fear of flipping over and potentially breaking my neck and back. This sounds simple and overly logical. This sounds like a childhood fear and you’re right. Fear is not something that just magically pops up to fuck with us. Fear is deeply rooted and stemmed from the experiences in our lives.
Part of my childhood I was a gymnast. I was tumbling and doing summersaults as a care-free child whenever and wherever. I was just under the age of 10 and my girlfriends and I were doing handstands on a field of grass. Overly confident and quite powerful for my little body, I exalted too much force and flipped over like a pancake, and landed flat on my back. Stuck in a dizzying and stinging shock, I couldn’t move and get up for several seconds.
I laugh about it now but back then as a kid this event traumatized me to the point where I never attempted a handstand ever again. So emphasis on the was a gymnast. I like to call this type of fear: Association Fear. This type of fear is when we get scared because something has happened to us where we link the event to pain. You could argue that it seems like all fear is association based. Yes, to some extent but fear is also very much complex and sometimes arises due to our own limited thoughts in the present moment (I think it just made things more complex!) In short, because of my childhood fear, I believed on a PHYSICAL level that I couldn’t do a headstand when in fact my fears of falling and ending up paralyzed is just an illusion.
We all heard the saying, “fear is not real, it is all in our heads.” I never TRULY understood this until recently. Sure, in the past few years I have tried to put myself out there without fear. Without fear of judgement, without fear of making mistakes, without fear of rejection… but there is this POWER, this LIBERATION in understanding where our fears come from. When we are aware of the origin of our fears we can better understand how to conquer them. My 13 year childhood fear is in a sense so silly that I essentially have nothing to fear about. YOU have the POWER to change your REALITY and it all starts within your mind.
It may take you weeks, months, or even years for you to get over your fears. It’s okay, take your time. Just know to not fear your fears. When you start looking inwards rather than on outwards on the many million billion things out of your control, everything will start to align itself. You will attract more positivity and opportunities in your life. And you will come to understand that the thing you feared, is not bigger than you. And it will never be.
